Micheal Cobley

Interstellar Tactics




The Mummy: Tomb Of The Dragon Emperor – 112 minutes that I`ll never get back

There`s no polite way to say this. The 3rd Mummy movie achieves that which was thought physically impossible – it both sucks and blows (copyright Bart Simpson).

Lazily plotted without concern for any aura, nimbus or even faintest whiff of plausibility, studded with neck-breaking leaps of conclusion (manga-style), crippled by godawful casting (the Rachel Weitz replacement, Maria Bello, was utterly wrong, and the Son looked about as old as Brendan Fraser), hamstrung by crummy acting (mostly by Luke Ford who played the Son with heavy reference to the Sly Stallone school of spoken dialogue), gut-punched by ludicrous time-event coordination (wherein a slog through snowy mountains from a cave back to a plane parked on a valley takes, wouldja know it, hardly any time at all). And, as before, given a flat tire by the irritating and superfluous presence of John Hannah as Evelyn’s brother. Hannah always looks like he`s just staggered out of a rom-com set in 80s Edinburgh, and in this film is as about as necessary as a chocolate windscreen. On the Handcart-to-Hell Express.

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